Saturday, November 13, 2010
I feel so sad when I look at my body. The imperfections and flaws are endless. I don't *look* like a huge fatass, I AM one.
Why do I keep eating? Why does this very same body rebel against my brain, my heart and my soul that yearn for one very simple goal.
I don't think I need to explain what that goal is.
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Day Freaking 7
My thighs are fucking touching again. It's been a week since I made my resolution and what do I do. I eat food, I gain weight, my thighs touch and I'm fatter than I've been in weeks.
Fuck this shit.
I'm off to the gym.
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I know these will probably be empty words to you, but I feel compelled to post none-the-less.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful and smart and kind and you deserve to feel comfortable in your body.
Don't beat yourself up about eating. When the body is so deprived it will damn near force you to eat. We've all been there. Controlling that impulse is pretty much next to impossible.
Personally, I have to eat every 2 to 3 hours and my diet mainly consists of junk food, just tightly calorie controlled, because if I don't eat like this then the urge becomes too much and I binge. Heck, I still binge often enough and have to fight to control that urge every second of every day and it sucks.
You are a strong person but most of all, you are a deserving person. Please take care of yourself.
Thinking of you.
I'm sorry hun. You'll get back there. Don't beat yourself up, the occasional slip is necessary.
ReplyDeletei've had the exact same thoughts, i know exactly how you feel, but it gets better. we all have our shitty days but the next day is always better. you're such a strong girl, hang in there. xox
ReplyDelete-enormous hug- ]= But Minus Human is absolutely right - especially the part about you being generally awesome and totally not deserving to feel this shitey...
ReplyDeleteMuch love <3
Oh if you could see what everyone else does...
ReplyDeleteI have never seen you but I know you are beautiful :)
And, darling. Oh, don't worry that your thighs tough, don't punish yourself. We're going to get there sensibly remember?
You have the whole rest of your life for your thighs to not touch <3
Sorry for being a shitty blog friend recently! I'm back with a vengeance this week though. All the love in the world.
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