Monday, November 29, 2010

Day 22

I was incredibly angry and upset yesterday and I didn't want to post my weight but it's time to own up.

Yesterday I was 106.0 lbs. Today I was 105.8 lbs.

Even though my weight is ridiculously high I am somewhat relieved that I actually lost slightly after eating the crazy amount of junk that I did yesterday (yes again). It's a bit encouraging to me because it means that this is my body's "set weight", I'm just glad that there is a cap to my weight gain!!

It will be December very soon. I had this whole plan written out that included a *lot* of fasting days, eating no more than 500 calories and... Actually that's about it haha. However, for the sake of my sanity I don't think that following a strict eating plan is going to be conducive for me right now.

I'm still not sure what I want to do yet. Well, the vague idea I have is that I am basically not going to eat anything for as long as I can and when I can no longer take it I will nibble on something and then resume not eating. Put this on repeat.

Totally unoriginal. But admittedly extremely effective (as long as I don't binge). Rather than put a daily caloric limit for each day I think I will instead restrict how much I am allowed to eat in each sitting. For example I may not eat more than 150 calories per "meal". Then if I only eat when the hunger becomes unbearable I should still be well below my BMR. After the past 4 days my metabolism had BETTER be up and running again. Seriously.

Turns out my plan is not so vague after all. Wish me luck?

And now for Comment Time!!!

Wow did I really reach my low weight not even a week ago? It's amazing how I can fuck up my progress so much... Anyway!
To *VictoriaCrimson, *Isobel, *bonesskinperfection and *liz:
You are all so very very kind to me. Thank you >< I wish I could express my appreciation for your comments in a more meaningful way but unfortunately no other words come to mind besides those two :) So once again: Thank you.

*Isobel - You are totally right. I don't know sometimes I just get so crazy and I can't STAND the idea that my eating is making me gain right at that moment (although it's ironic considering how often I binge). Sigh. I have to find the middle ground :/
*miss alisha - Haha I've actually surpassed my prediction of 105 lbs... Pathetic of me yes, but I promise, we will BOTH be in the 90's by Christmas!
*Fed Up - I am completely with you. I have to admit that I'm quite glad that I'm not the only one that uses weight as an indication to see if it's alright to eat! I'm going to try to wean myself off of this (not very healthy) habit but it's so addicting!
*Lola Rose - Aw don't worry about it! However I'm afraid that my "willpower" and "control" are completely atrocious so sending you a pinch would not be in your best interest! XD

*anna~ - Even though I love DDR in general, my primary motivation is definitely to burn calories while playing it! And LOL to no-thanks-giving, so cute!!!
*VictoriaCrimson - YAY I'M GLAD!! And I plan to hehe~
*tracy - Nooo of course I don't think it's creepy, there really is no "age requirement" to all this! I wish I could believe you, I wish I could believe everyone who tells me that, but I truly can't. However thank you, thank you for trying :)
*Isobel - Hurray you're back hahaha. I missed you very much love <3 Thank goodness I won't have to worry about another Thanksgiving until next year!!

*miss alisha - I am 100% back on the bandwagon. I won't have to go home again until Christmas and NOTHING can stop me from attaining my dream :) We are both so freaking close!
*Charlie - Yes. Let's!
*Isobel - I love your comments, you're always so encouraging! You're right as usual, I *did* anticipate this gain and now it's time to shape up! There's no use being all angsty and depressing haha.

*miss alisha - I may want to hurt myself but like you said, it'll be the WORST punishment if I don't reach my UGW. We WILL succeed.
*struggle2bethin - YOU CAN DO IT!! You have always been incredibly supportive of me and I want to do the same for you :) P.S. I'm following you!! :D
*Isobel - Oooh it would be so much fun if you came here! (Or if I could go there!) Maybe one day hehe~ It would be the perfect date! And believe me, I never get tired of your "epic shit", how could I when it keeps me so motivated?? <3
*Kate - Ah I'm going to keep your words in my head, it's just a little setback!! Nothing I can't overcome!!
*Sottile - GOOD LUCK!! I know what it's like to want that special dress to fit *just* right! Please keep me updated on how you're doing :)


  1. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ You can so control this! I know you can, and you know you can. Think of the willpower and the drive you had to get down to the 99s- that was absolutely AMAZING, no? And the feeling you had when you were on the way down was absolutely untouchable. All you need to get back there is the right mindset. For me, reading your October and early November posts were great :D

    Lots of love, I know the next post will be more optimistic =)


  2. Well, to be completely honest, I'm 105.8 lb, as well. But I've started 246 today and I really just want to be far into the 90s so I can turn heads. Doesn't your heart just flutter at the thought of losing weight and getting skinny? Mine does. It's such a great feeling! Just imagine how lovely you'll look...!

  3. It is nasty to say, but I can pretty much guarantee a lot of that weight gain is going to end up having been "poop weight". That is what is going on for me after thanksgiving haha... but it'll disappear just as quickly! And you can do it girl, its so close.

  4. I fucked up last night...0 cal day sure as HELL didn't turn out that way. But the 246 has started so I'm trying again!

    You sound like you have a good plan there hun, I've been thinking along similar lines - if the rules are too strict we're bound to fuck up at some point! Let's just keep it as little as possible all the time.

    I'm getting nervous that it's December tomorrow. But we have each other! It's going to be ok.

    I love you xxxx

  5. Unoriginal or not, I like your plan. I try to do the same thing--eat nothing all day and save it for a tiny dinner in the evening. And try to never go over 200 for one meal.
    Good luck!! <3