Day 18

OUCH 100.4 lbs. This is bad but I was expecting much worse because of how insanely stupid I was yesterday. I think I should just list it all out.

Mistake #1: My roommate offered me a free taco (from Taco Bell). I like free stuff. I took it. I ATE IT! (although I took out most of the meat because it was disgusting)
Mistake #2: I had a sweet craving like you wouldn't believe. In my failure to satisfy it I had 3 handfuls of cereal, 6 asparagus and about 10 almonds. I ate it all and I still (duh!) was craving something sweet. I'm so dumb.
Mistake #3: There was a Farmer's Market in my area and I walked through it. Free, yummy, organic, FREE samples anyone?? I had about 4 pieces of beets and 1 piece of sweet potato. I'm just glad I didn't find the chocolate stand!
Mistake #4: Me and my roommate changed our dinner plans with our friend to brunch today because we were afraid we were going to be cutting it close to the club. Dinner was canceled so I OBVIOUSLY should have NOT EATEN ANYTHING but no. I go get a slice of pizza. I am unbelievable. There's something wrong with my brain!
Mistake #5: This is stupidest thing I did. After the club I thought I not only wanted something sweet but SALTY too and what do I go and do?? I go to McDonald's, still in my clubbing-wear and buy 3 effing cookies (what is it with me and cookies??) and small fries. I proceed to eat them. Oh btw, I felt sick after eating and now that it's morning I still feel sick. I'm telling you, I get SIGNS about stuff like this but I never freaking listen.

And now the consequences of my actions. I've *almost* gained an entire pound from yesterday, what a joy. The brunch is in like 30 minutes too, I CAN'T DO THIS GUYS! I am already eating way too much in the span of two days and my metabolism CANNOT keep up!

I'm leaving for home later today and my goal for when I get back is to be AT MAXIMUM 105 lbs. It's a freaking high # but I'm doing my best to be realistic here. This way I'll have 5 weeks to lose 10 lbs which is the most I'm sure I can lose. Ugh, I'll hate myself for having to repeat the same shit over but I'm going to have to take my chances.

Ok let's move on. I can see some of my bones sticking out of my body but I have a crazy amount of fat everywhere else, it's MADDENING! When I lie down my hip is way out there and at one time I would have been grossed out but now I'm in love with it <3 I also love how I can see the hollows in my feet and that my knees are so knobbly hahaha.

I'm mad that I can't get my measurements though, a friend who came over broke my tape measure (it was the MyoTape) grrr! I'm dying to know if any of my body parts have shrunk :(

Oh I forgot to mention, the club was crazy fun even though I ended paying around $20 for the night (ugh). I danced for three hours, saw a million people I hadn't seen in ages, gave my # to two guys, and proceeded to make out with one of them lol. I love casual makeout sessions with cute boys ;) And I didn't drink despite several offers of alcohol which is the only not stupid thing I did, hurrah?

Hm, I have also been seriously obsessive about food and weight. I mean, for example, I first weigh myself before I eat anything. Then I have a bite of food. Then I go weigh myself again. If the weight is the same I take another bite. If its higher then I stop eating. I basically follow this process on repeat.

In fact, I got so tired of taking off and putting on my clothes every time I go weigh myself that I pretty much walk around half-naked in my apartment all the time. My roommates joke that I could be a stripper because of this lol! At least it seems that they're much less suspicious of my eating habits now that I've gotten way sneakier about it :)

Btw, I of course used the above tactic when eating that taco so it took me like 6 hours to eat the whole thing but everything else I ate is damn unforgivable!! I'm bringing my super duper awesome scale home with me (even though it's pretty damn big) because I MUST stay accountable while I'm home and I won't allow myself to blame the shitty scale for any weight gain. Nope, not me. 105 MAXIMUMMM!!!