Sunday, November 28, 2010

Day 21

So. I'm 3 weeks into my 50 Day Resolution to my UGW. What do I have to show for it?

Something worse than Nothing.

Failure. Fat. Gain.

I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm devastated.

I want to bawl my eyes out. I want to scratch my disgusting mouth off my face. I want to pass out and never wake up so that I don't have to even *look* at food ever again.

But no. I must not be weak. I have to prove that I can be perfect, thin, happy.

All of which that I'm not.

It's ok it's ok it's ok.

I can make it I will make it I AM GOING TO BE SKINNY.

I'm really tired. Tired of myself. Tired of being fat. Tired of fucking food.

I weigh more today than I did yesterday. This isn't how things are supposed to go.

I need to be 98 lbs by Monday December 6th in order to be where I need to be by my birthday.

There's hardly any time left. There is no room for error.

Everything will be alright when I'm thin.

It has to.


  1. ME TOO, hun! We're running out of time! It's going to hurt SO BAD if we don't make it to 95 by the deadline. Mine's xmas. I cannot bear to hurt myself like that, can you? We're gonna make it, we will. I need this so bad. I feel this post through every inch of my body.

    Please, girl, stay strong, stay with me. WE are going to TURN HEADS, once we get there, which we will!

  2. Hey. How are you? Your post didn't sound too good =( I know what you mean. That diet I tried literally failed within the last 3 weeks and I kinda gave up. But now I'm back and I'm going to try to go strong for as long as I can definitely until the 17 which is when I go home. I want at least 10lbs gone by then but idk If I can do it =( I want it soooooo bad. I can feel like. It's all I can dream about and I wake up wanting to throw up cuz I ate in my dream (tmi? srry) It's so hard. I wish my willpower was as good as yours. You may think it sucks but to me ur like awesome! =) You can do it. I know you can. You should totally txt me wenever you need help though. Whenever you txt me, It kinda snaps me back to reality.

    You gotta do this cuz right now, you're my best for of inspiration! You've got this!!

    P.S. I changed my blog to blogspot so maybe you'll look it over sometime.


  3. It's going to be ok.

    It IS!

    It is.

    I love you so much I just want to fly over to New York (would love to do that anyway...) and give you the biggest hug! And we could go out in the snow (in my mind it's snowing there like it is here) and get Starbucks and have huge skinny coffees that are all we eat all day and we could walk and talk and it would be magic.

    I'm here. I'm there too though. Don't forget it.

    I'm writing back. I warn you it might be EPIC.

    But you know I write epic shit :) xxxxx

  4. You can do it hun. Don't let it get you down. Just a little set back.

  5. Don't stress! Don't stress about it! You hit double digits for more than 1 day! In my experience, if you can keep a new number for more than a day, you will gain a bit, but then pretty soon get back to your double digits and KEEP them! I promise! Just keep it up! Think of thanksgiving as a boost to your metabolism :)

  6. We are totally in this together. Gained over Thanksgiving, obviously. But now I have a dress that I need to look good in for this Friday! So it's 400 calories max for these next five days. And then continue on my weight loss. I need to lose at least five pounds by Friday. We can do this! xoxo