Day 5

Well, yesterday could have gone better. A LOT better. Arghh I should have planned my day out to the hour. I slept at like 1 AM and woke up at 7 AM. I only ever sleep so little when I'm hardcore restricting/fasting, it's weird but I can never stay asleep for long :/ Anyway it basically meant that I had to spend more time awake since I finish class at 8:30 PM and then I promised I'd watch America's Next Top Model afterwards with my roommate (the guy one hahaha).

More time awake = more time to feel hungry = more likely to binge. And binge I did. I hate to estimate a # but probably around 1500 total? DISGUSTING. It's even more than my BMR! At least I spaced it all out so I wasn't stuffing my face all at once like I've never seen food before. Nevertheless, it was more than the 300 that I planned out which is quite simply a FAIL. I don't like to fail :(

The plan today is to not eat anything until I get home which will be in the evening. My mom wants to go shopping which should burn some calories and I'll try to keep dinner small + healthy. The cake thing is going to be a bitch though. At least I'll probably be able to convince my mom to throw it out after "we" (aka only me) have a slice since she doesn't want us to get fat anyway lol.

Possibly the only positive thing about going home (weight-wise at least) is that I can go to an *actual* gym. You read that right, a gym!!! Burning about 300 calories has always been my limit but for the couple days I'm home I'm going to MAKE SURE that I reach AT LEAST 400.

I love seeing the # on the treadmill and elliptical. I guess that's why I'm so unmotivated to do calisthenics, I don't see the numerical proof behind doing them! Bad excuse, I know. I just need to remember that with every leg lift and squat that I do will eventually lead to increased muscle and increased calorie burning and increased fat cell shrinkage. Burn fat burn!

I'm also thinking that the pro's of staying home for a bit longer may actually outweigh the con's of leaving because my roommates are planning a *massive* drinking-fest this weekend. That means beer (AGH!! I don't know about anyone else but I think it tastes like shit and literally feels like I'm drinking fat) and vodka/tequila. The last two I can handle, but still. I like drinking, but right now I'm wayyy more concerned about my calorie consumption. What to do, what to do...

Haven't weighed myself yet. I don't trust the scale at home and I need to get a "before-home" weight to compare with when I get back. I'm terrified of the #. I guess it's because I know it's going to ruin my whole day. BUT I started this whole blog so I could stay accountable so I'm going to go weigh myself now. Super nervous.

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104.6 lbs.

FML.

*miss alisha - I usually don't mind walking either but all I could think about was how I probably only burned like 100 calories :( I *should* walk more but I'm so slow that it would literally take up my entire day haha.
*morbid.diathesis - Oooh yes it's super yummy! The only thing not so great about it is that it has a really high sodium content... Let me know how you like it if you decide to try it out some time :)
*bonesskinperfection - Nooo don't be jealous, my weight in relation to my height is VERY high. It's embarrassing... Besides you are very skinny! And guys are so lucky they don't have hips, it makes them look way thinner! Although it may be fun to try your bf's jeans anyway hmmm~
*VictoriaCrimson - A) Phew I'm glad! B) They really are >:( C) November + December are Death Month's. If I can get to my UGW by the end of this year then I think I'll have good reason to be proud!
*liz - My family lives in the suburbs so I totally get what you mean! I moved out as soon as I could and I have never regretted it :) And seaweed is delish <3
*Isobel - :0 Please don't say that, as you can see I make a habit of screwing up any progress that I make. Let's try to be strong together <3

I want to say thank you to all 40 of you. Every single one of you encourage me to do better not only for myself but to do better so that I don't let any of you down.

We can all reach skinny together :)