Tuesday, October 19, 2010
105.0 lbs on the dot. WHY! I really did think I was going to get into the 104's, my stomach has shrunk half an inch since last week :( Perhaps it's water weight?? I only drank about 1L of water when I usually drink 3L, and supposedly your body holds onto any water if it thinks that you're even slightly dehydrated... Fml.
I definitely have to get sushi with my roommate today. So I thought, well, if I can't do 400 calories today, I must as well let myself do a healthy binge (as in eat when I want but can't be fattening). Then I ate a KitKat bar. And it wasn't even mine (I NEVER eat other people's food). It was 70 delicious but agonizing calories. Even as I write this I am consuming Ritz Peanut Butter Cracker Sandwiches at 200 calories per pack. I have just eaten 1/3 of a pack. Someone stop me.
All done. Wow ok, I've just eaten more in the span of 10 minutes than I did for all of yesterday. Shit. Now I'll just have to count this as 270 calories for today and *somehow* hold off until after class to eat again which is at like 9pm. 14 hours to go. I'm probably going to have to take an Adderall, this is stressing me out. I don't want to binge (although I basically already have) and I only have like 7 hours left to study. Eek!
So disappointed in myself. I hate that when I binge like this I somehow rationalize it out in my head beforehand that it's "alright" to let myself eat something when it's NOT! Well, I'll try to be positive and take it as an excuse to start 0246 over and do another fast day tomorrow. It's true when people say fasting can sometimes be easier than restricting. It's all about the mindset!
Thank you for commenting btw <3 They really cheer me up!
*Edit: I am a glutton for punishment. Just ate 2 bananas with cinnamon a mere 30 minutes after my binge-fest. The positive side of me says "At least it's really healthy and now you definitely can't make yourself eat anymore even if you tried!" while the dark and nasty side of me hisses "Great, you just ate 270 calories which makes your calorie count exactly DOUBLE what it was 30 minutes ago!! You deserve to feel sick, you have 540 calories in you now dumbass!"
I never come out a winner.
Posted by not.quite.ana at 6:52 AM