Monday, December 6, 2010
The reason for the terrible gain: After I had the ravioli (230 cal) and fudge bar (100 cal) I was already the bloated kind of full and decided to just start the 24 hour fast right then rather than torture myself by eating more. But a few hours later I'm craving chocolate so I have Dark Chocolate Mousse (60 cal).
Another hour later I found myself eating poutine. Poutine?? It makes me want to puke thinking about all the cheese I ate!! I did end up taking some of the cheese out but it doesn't change the fact that I still ate the whole damn thing. And the final kicker is that I had not one but THREE Edy's Sugar Free Fruit Bars (25 cal each) because I felt so sick after the poutine and needed something to settle my stomach with.
Estimated daily total: 1100-1200 calories? Why do I ALWAYS mess up my progress with something stupid!!
I think I've made the mistake of buying too much food that I actually *like*. I know that sounds weird but I very rarely want to binge on the usual low calorie stuff I get. Now look at me - I had three fruit bars and a fudge bar and a chocolate mousse cup all in one day even without counting the poutine. I threw out the rest of the 6-pack of Dark Chocolate Mousse. Yes, it was expensive and I just bought it and I can't believe I threw away my money but I cannot. Eat. Any. More!!!
I kept the Skinny Cow Fudge Bars because even though they were surprisingly DELISH they only have 100 calories with 1g of fat, 22g carbohydrates, 4g fiber and 4g protein. Still pretty worth it I think!
Today it turns out I need to meet my mother so she can hand me the laptop charger I shipped home. The one I currently have (my 3rd bootleg one from ebay) is already deteriorating again which is not good considering I have a ton of papers and finals to study for this week!
However this also means that I'll probably be expected to have dinner with her. I know myself very well - so I'll let you all know that I will be binging tonight because I can never seem to stop stuffing my face whenever I'm not at my apartment. I won't eat anything until then but I'm already expecting *another* huge gain tomorrow. Not good, especially since I once again have to go to an obligatory birthday dinner on Saturday sigh.
It's not even a week into December and I'm already fucking up BAD. I know what's at stake (like my happiness and sanity??) but no. I could understand if I was hungry, or plain STARVING, but I just felt like having chocolate and freaking fries/gravy/cheese "food vomit".
This is why I'm weak. I eat because I convince myself that I absolutely have to have so and so food right now and conveniently forget the consequences. I should only be eating when my body absolutely requires nutrients to keep on living.
I *will* be 97 lbs by next Monday. I'm too fat to allow for any slip-ups.
I need to stop.
Posted by not.quite.ana at 2:52 PM