Sunday, December 5, 2010

Day 28

Yesterday I had an orgasm in my mouth as I was eating. No joke. It was so fucking delicious, I was even making moaning sounds hahaha.

It was heavenly. I went to the Whole Foods buffet and I got a tiny bit of everything, most of which I haven't had in MONTHS. Omg it was so good. I used to scarf down my food without actually tasting it but now I savor ever single bite.

I'm such a mess - most of the time I hate food with a passion but it's disconcerting to find that I'm still in love with it all the same.

The only thing was, even though I really had very little food in my takeout box I was SO FULL halfway through. I forced myself to eat another quarter of it (I hate wasting food & money!) but then I did something strange... I chew/spit the last portion :0

That was the first time I've ever done it and it was such a weird experience! I think I was simply too full to eat anymore but I didn't want to save it or throw it out. I don't know why I thought chew/spit would be a good solution but I definitely did *not* enjoy it. Chewed up food is not pretty :p

I've also realized something over the past couple months - I buy food faster than I can consume them before they spoil. I was sad to realize that my raspberries have finally started to rot and thus must be thrown out. It figures, since I bought them almost 3 weeks ago :/

I think I tend to do what I call a "food shopping binge" where I buy huge amounts of wonderful low calorie foods to compensate for the fact that I am, frankly speaking, starving myself. Even though I don't go grocery shopping very often, when I do, I can't stop until I've bought every item on my list (that I add to whenever I discover some new food I'd like to try) which usually means frequenting all three major supermarkets in my area. I can't even tell you how many times I've had my bags break while walking back to my apartment because of the sheer weight of all the food!

Yesterday was my most recent "food shopping binge" and it was my biggest one yet. I even diverged from my list to buy some very strange items (at least for me) - sorbet (1/2 cup - 100 cal), fruit bars (25 cal) and two kinds of fudge bars (90 cal and 100 cal). What on earth possessed me to buy 4 different varieties of these frozen treats?? I was never very fond of any of them even when I ate "normally". Wowww I'm retarded. And to think, my original intention in going to the supermarket was simply to restock on Fiber One Cereal. I have no control over myself!!

On a non-food note: Kaskade was amazing. When I say this I literally mean that *Kaskade himself* was amazing. The highlight of the night was the incredible dj-ing and 4 straight hours of dancing in which I hope I burned a ton of calories. Otherwise, I sincerely wanted to injure pretty much everyone I came across. Long story short - the club was filled WAY over capacity and having hundreds of people crammed in one room does NOT bode well. I had my feet stomped on several times (thank goodness I was wearing boots although it didn't help much when an overweight woman in heels kindly decided that she wished to stop all feeling in my toes), was shoved every which way, had drinks spilled on me numerous times (by the end i was sticky from my head to my back to my legs) and was followed throughout the night by various creepers of all color and age.

But you know what? It was all worth it when I got back to my apartment at 4 AM to find that my weight was 99.6 lbs.

It is now 10:30 AM and I've completed a full 24 hour fast from my one meal yesterday and I weigh 99.2 lbs. I've beaten my low weight and have less than a pound to go to my next goal weight :)

Honestly though, I'm scared that everything seems to be going too well to be true. I just think that it's pathetic of me to need an entire 4 weeks to be more or less solidly in the 90's. I need to be in the 98's tomorrow...

I couldn't count calories yesterday but it must not have been a lot if I was able to lose this much in one day. Today I'm planning on doing the exact same thing - 500 calories max and another 24 hour fast. Here's what I've planned out:

-1 small tomato (16 cal)
-16 medium asparagus (64 cal)
-0.25 bunch broccoli (52 cal)
-1 Skinny Cow Fudge Bar (100 cal)
-1/2 365 Organic Spinach Florentine Ravioli (230 cal <--another unplanned item!)
-0.75 cup Columbia River Organic Green Beans (30 cal)
-2 tablespoons 365 Salsa Hot (5 cal)

Total: 497 calories
Fat: 2.6g
Carbohydrates: 99.6g
Protein: 24.2g

I keep expecting to look drastically different when I hit the 90's but I still look as lumpy as always. Actually, the only thing I've noticed is that I can almost slide my finger between my thighs without it touching either side. I can't wait for the gap to get bigger :)

I stayed up after the club so I could do my weigh-in (I didn't want to miss the timing!) and thus have not slept for about a day and a half now. I am off to bed (yes, in the middle of the day) and do not expect to be up until it is dark.

I go to bed wishing every one of you the very best.

Good night~


  1. I do the same thing with food--buy loads of fresh veggies and then it goes bad before I can eat it all. I wish the shops would sell produce in smaller portions. And I buy loads of low-calorie snack things, too. It's weird, 'cause then I feel like I have to eat them all, but I have too many choices and obviously can't eat all that in one day so I end up eating nothing and all the food sits in the cupboard until Mum eats it. Where in NY are you? Lol, we should totally have a food shopping date! :D

    I haven't had Whole Foods buffet in aaages! My friend scarred me for life a couple years ago and I've never gone back. We went to get Whole Foods for brunch and friend was really hungover, so she ended up puking all her Whole Foods all over the sidewalk. Bleh! :p

    Ok I'm rambling, so I'm gonna shut up now.

    Keeping my fingers crossed for 98!! <3

  2. 99.2! go you!!! amazing as ever. AMAZING.

  3. Oh my god--congratulations!! :D I am so happy that your hard work paid off! You are doing wonderfully! :) And I do the exact same thing as you with buying food...I (or my mom) buy tons of low-calorie snacks that I usually end up storing for an incredibly long time or that I end up never eating!

    I've never eaten at Whole Foods before...But I understand what you mean by food orgasm. When I fasted for 30 hours a couple days ago, I finally broke my fast with a bit of smoked salmon and rice cake...AND IT WAS SO GOOD. Actually, nowadays, I look forward to fasting for an intermediate amount of time (12 hours or so) just because when I do eat, the food really does seem that much better, as if I've worked for it or something.

    It's funny that we both bought Skinny Cow fudge bars yesterday! Having eaten one yesterday, I must say that they're not bad...I'm still trying to decide whether I really like the French Vanilla flavor though. Thanks for the advice about the fruit bars...I used to LOVE fruit bars...In fact, if I ever go food shopping again, maybe I'll allow myself to buy some again.

    You know, I always expect to look different too after losing weight...Usually, even if I'm a whole ten pounds lighter, it doesn't seem as if anything has changed. But I think the difference in appearance will take you by surprise, like it did me. You'll wake up one morning and just be blown away! :)

    About food, though...I'm curious--is it usually easy for you to restrict/fast? I've been able to restrict pretty well the last few days, but I can never say that I hate food. Sometimes I wish I *could hate food, but it seems that I still get incredibly excited every time I allow myself to eat. I like eating, but I like being able to control how much I eat--and of course, I like seeing the scale number go down. What is it like for you?

    I always look forward to your updates, and I'll be hoping the best for you these coming days! Let's hope for 98!

  4. IT IS SO NOT PATHETIC that your body would need a few weeks to adjust to being so low!! I WISH I had your control--really we're the pathetic ones. Congratulations!!

  5. Oh my God, I have those food shopping binges all the time. I go to the store and gather up a basket of low-cal foods. Then I have to stop myself because I remember that I'm a student and I can't afford to splurge this money. It's more economical to simply not eat. And congrats on being 99.2! You are totally gonna be in the 98s tomorrow. I can for-see it.

  6. congrats on the 99.2! and i think i would do that too if i were spending my own money rather than my parents. :P

    stay lovely dear. <3

  7. Hi hun, first off, I'm not going to congratulate you for reaching this weight, because when I was in the midst of an eating disorder that only spurred me on.
    Remember, you are worth more than just a number on a scale. You are worth so much more.


  8. I always go on food shopping binges, I do it online too. Often when I'm in the store I'll fill up a basket and then leave it somewhere when I realize what I'm doing. I still have loads of food in my fridge.
    I love food shopping though, I spend ages reading everything. And then when I decide I don't want it its so liberating and makes me feel powerful lol.
    Fingers crossed for tomorrow. x